10 pounds of heaven

I apologize for the accidental blogging hiatus, but I was unavoidably detained giving birth to my 10 lb. daughter.

Yep. 10. Whole. Pounds.

I want you to drink that in for a moment before I recount her birth story and note that I am not a big woman. My license says I'm 5 foot 4 whilst reality says that I'm 5 foot 3 when the wind blows straight up from the ground. My normal weight is between 120-130 lbs., depending on what time of year it is here in Chicago and how many bratwursts I'm currently shoving down my gullet. In short, I'm a small fry. This makes my 10 lb. baby story all the more surprising/terrifying/cautionary.

We blitzed past my October 27th due date with zero progress. No dilation, no effacement and no "dropping" on the part of the baby. I grumbled my way through the 40 week appointment, mad at my own body and my apparently lazy baby. The doctor agreed we'd go one week past and go from there. I got to the 41 week appointment and same story, in fact, I think my cervix was actually getting more closed at this point and I could hear Sadie laughing at me from inside my uterus. The doc agreed that it was time to induce so we set up an induction date of November 4th.

We got to the hospital around 10:30 PM on November 4th after my "last meal", which consisted of an Italian Beef, Cheese Fries & Chocolate Cake from Portillos. (Don't you dare judge me...I was about a thousand weeks pregnant.) They set me up in our L&D suite and began the medieval torture that is modern day obstetrics.

I was started on a low drip of Pitocin, which from her on out will be referred to as "The Devil's juice". I also was given a Foley catheter, which is a fancy way of saying they shoved a water balloon up my cervix and blew it up and yes, that is every bit as unpleasant as it sounds.

Let me tell you a little something about Pitocin. It sucks. Once the contractions kicked in, it was like a freight train was driving through my ladybits over, and over, and over. The contractions were massive from the get go and came one on top of another for what seemed like forever. I labored until about 4 AM until I just couldn't take it anymore and opted for the sweet release of drugs. The world's greatest anesthesiologist came to my rescue and gave me an epidural with such precision and quickness that had my husband not been holding my hand I would have kissed him. With tongue. I forgot his name due to the MIND NUMBING PAIN I was in, so in my mind he shall always be Dr. Kissyface. Because I literally wanted to kiss his face.

With the Epi in place I was finally able to sleep which we did as much as you can when you have an ever expanding water balloon in your nether regions. Early that morning they came in to check me and I'd dilated to 4 cm and effaced to about 60%. All of this was encouraging, however to make a long story short, it was the furthest I would get. They let me labor until about 4:00 PM until they lost Sadie's heartbeat. Let me just say, this had to have been the scariest moment of my life. It's never a good sign when 6 people in scrubs come racing into your hospital room and start prodding you, probing you and saying things like "STAT". Luckily they found her HB again but they switched off my Pitocin and Mr. Val and I looked at each other knowing exactly what was coming.

The doctor came in and yammered on about whatever for what seemed like forever but the only words I heard were "C-section". I wish I could tell you that I handled myself with some dignity here but the truth is that I was terrified and completely broke down. Like ugly, hiccuping, sobbing breakdown. I shooed everyone out of my room and just cried like a baby on Mr. Val. Not because I had some burning desire to shove an apparently hostile child out of my loins, more due to the lack of control. I was scared for me, scared for her and just really didn't want my body sawed in half.

A new anesthesiologist arrived and I could tell he recognized right away that I was beyond hysterical. Bless his heart, he upped my epi with enough drugs to tranquilize a rhino and into surgery I went.

I cannot tell you how incredibly bizarre it is to be awake while your body is being cut into. All those little tugs and pressures were so strange. I was shaking like a leaf the entire time, I thought just out of fear but it turns out I also lost a lot of blood which didn't help matters. They had to cut through the placenta to get to her AND use a vacuum to get her out, which made the grossest popping sound when she finally did come out. But she came out safe and sound which is all that matters and after a few frantic moments of me begging to see her, I finally heard her cry, the most wonderful sound I'd ever heard.

I'm not going to lie, recovering from a c-section is rough and caring for a newborn is essentially like hitting a brick wall at 80MPH. But it is a truly awesome thing to look at your child and see yourself, your partner and all your dreams and love in that little face. So without further ado, I give you:

Sadie Joan, born November 5th, 2010 at 10 lbs. 1 oz. This was my favorite picture from the hospital, I love that we are just checking each other out like, "Hey! I know you!"

















And now, almost three weeks later, here is my little Sadie Bug:




















I can say without hesitation I've birthed the cutest kid on the planet. She looks just like her daddy and I think my heart may explode with happiness every time I see them together. I will be posting more regularly again now that I am starting to get the hang of typing one-handed while my little munchkin spits up on me.

XOXO,