Half Baked.

And no I'm not talking about pot you druggies.

I'm talking about babyVal, who is officially halfway baked this week. To my knowledge this means he/she looks less fishy, although I won't have confirmation on that until Friday, which is our big ultrasound where we find out the sex! It's funny, because I always thought I wanted a little boy first but once I became pregnant I started secretly dreaming of a little girl in dresses and hair bows and ruffle butt bikinis. Don't judge - I'll be thrilled either way, but anyone who says they haven't thought of one gender of the other is full of it. Just like I know my husband is dreaming of t-ball games and teaching a little black-haired boy to play football, but would equally adore being wrapped around the little finger of a curly headed baby girl.

That said, we have taken numerous bets on the gender with a slight edge going to the girl camp. It's about a 55/45 split on guesses girl/boy. I love the logic of guessing to, it's normally something as conclusive as "Your skin looks bad. Girl." or "You don't look any different from the back. Boy." or "I've been dreaming of a mongoose eating a snake, which in Pagan folklore means boy." Obviously, Mr. Val and I couldn't care less, one healthy, happy giggling baby is all we need.

That said, here is the 20 week round of pregnancy stats. Feel free to interpret them as you will and lay a wager down on the state of babyVal's reproductive organs. There isn't any money in it for you, just the personal pride that comes from successfully guessing the genitalia of an Internet stranger's fetus.

Weight Gain/Loss: I said I'd never tell, but I'm up about 10 lbs. I wish this didn't freak me out so much but it does. I do adore the baby bump though...it makes me smile every time I catch my reflection.
Maternity clothes: I'm rocking half maternity clothes and half normal. I've pretty much only gained weight in the belly, so I'm getting away with regular tops that are either a size up or empire waisted. I do have some maternity tanks & shirts though that are heavenly. I'm still able to wear most of my normal pants with a belly band although I have a few pairs of maternity pants I'm about to bust into. Oh yeah...elasticized waistbands here I come!
Stretch Marks: Nope. Keep knocking on wood...I'm using the Medela stretch mark cream, so I'm pretty pleased with that for now.
Sleep: I am sleeping fine, exclusively on my side though which is an adjustment for a stomach sleeper like me.
Movement: It started a week ago with this weird little popping sensation, unlike anything I've ever felt. Now I feel baby all the time, and I'd describe it as a gentle rolling feeling. It's strong enough that Mr. Val can feel it too!
Food cravings/aversions: no more aversions. The last specific craving I had was for coffee ice cream. I've been eating it like crazy.
Gender: I am still leaning towards girl, but to be honest I have no idea.
What I miss: margaritas
Best moment this week: seeing Mr. Val's face light up when he felt the baby move.

So that's it! I should be a more regular blogger again now that I'm settled into my new job (more on that later). I've got to go...Top Gun is on which is clearly the Citizen Kane of the 80's, so I'm going to watch it with a giant bowl of ice cream on my lap.

XOXO,

"Holy shit there's a baby in there?"

When you are pregnant, people tell you that you'll wake up one day and have a belly. Um, yeah...I think I've got it. I was walking around, feeling awesome b/c I'd only gained 3 lbs since the "Day of the Pink Pee Stick" even though my workout routine has gone the way of the dinosaurs. Twas to be a short lived phenomenon as I literally woke up yesterday with this: {Click to enlarge}



A few disclaimers about this photo:

1. Don't judge my hair. When you have 13 lbs. of Italian hair, everyday that you don't look like Carrot top is a tiny victory.
2. Pardon the ugly bathroom...whomever designed this building had a torrid love affair with the color beige.
3.Don't judge the gorpy smile on my face. Taking a picture of your fetus in a mirror with an iPhone is hard.
4. Check out my rack. Those would be Mr. Val's new BFF's, I like to call them "36" and "D". The mister thinks they are awesome, while I remain terrified of them.

So here's the latest round of pregnancy specs, babyVal is officially 16weeks baked, which in culinary terms means he/she is about 3 minutes away from being a ruined souffle.

Weight Gain/Loss: Interestingly, my actual weight has barely changed, it's just all being carried in my boobs and uterus.

Maternity clothes: I've worn a couple maternity tank tops and let me tell you, they are heaven. I fear my regular clothes are not long for this world.

Stretch Marks: Nope. I got swindled into some $50 cream that supposedly alters the molecular structure of stretch marks in the space time continuum or some bullshit. Whatever. I'll try anything.

Sleep: is my very best friend.

Movement: no, but I hope it starts soon!

Food cravings/aversions: aversions have pretty much stopped. As for cravings, I pretty much just want to eat everything in sight all the time. And tomatoes. I can't get enough tomatoes...I'm such a Dego.

Gender: I'm sticking with girl.

What I miss: I'm not gonna lie. I miss booze something fierce.

Best moment this week: everytime Mr. Val kisses my belly.

Oh and one more thing, I bought a little onesie that says "G is for Guacamole" with a little picture of a smiling avocado dressed as an Aztec. It. Is. Awesome.

And now I want Guacamole. Shit.

XOXO,

P.S. Lauren - I promise I will post some recipes including the Fluff Dip soon. It's a sorority girl staple and, incidentally, non-toxic to dogs.

Fromage Friday (recession edition)

In the throws of a massive economic breakdown, we tend to resort to a simpler way of life. Take the bus instead of driving. Brown bag lunch instead of takeout. Steve Maddens in lieu of Jimmy Choos.

With the exception of a maddening pay freeze, Mr. Valentine & I have remained largely unscathed by the current economy which is an incredible blessing that we do not take for granted. Like many people though, we realized that we need to be more prepared should that change. To that end we've changed some spending habits to be a bit more frugal.

When we were talking about where to cut back, we happened upon some hilarious "Mars vs. Venus" conversations. Here is an example:

Me: We could cancel the cable. We don't really need all those channels.
Him: I'll cancel the cable if you stop buying throw pillows.
Me: Ok. The cable stays.

All kidding aside, we've been much more conscious than usual, which is good. Not having children or a mortgage can lure you into a false sense of security when it comes to ancillary income.

Anyhoo - back to the matter at hand: CHEESE. As you are all aware, I pink puffy heart cheese. Unfortunately, once your cheese palette ventures beyond cheddar and pepper jack it can get pretty spendy. Since Mr. Valentine INSISTED I was NOT allowed to have a portion of the budget dedicated to the Whole Foods Cheese counter, I've been looking for more affordable ways to feed my habit. To that end I give you:



Cranberry Chevre. This sweet & creamy goat cheese is covered in tart cranberries for a delicious combination. This cheese is a delicious addition to a cheese & cracker plate and also fantastic on toast in the morning. (Yep, I eat cheese all day.) This particular picture is courtesy of www.dedrickscheese.com but can also be found at Trader Joe's for a mere $5! That makes it delicious and frugal; perfect for the cheese monger on a budget.

Try it. Eat it. Make your friends eat it and tell them all about the crazy cheese lady that lives on the interwebz.

XOXO,

The sins of the father will be visited upon my hips.

I have a bone to pick with my parents.

My dad (a chef) & my mom (Italian) are amazing cooks. I grew up eating good food, round the clock. When I was four, my favorite food was clams & linguine, not Mac & Cheese. When you all were learning how to nuke yourself a Hot Pocket, I already had mastered an authentic Viennese Wiener Schnitzel with cucumber salad. I can safely assume I am one of only a handful of first graders that ever brought homemade falafel to school in a brown bag. (Side note: it is nearly impossible to trade a fried chickpea patty for a fruit roll up. I know from experience.)

By now you're asking yourself, what's the problem you endive eating elitist? (That's for you A) Well, when I was eating all this gourmet grub I was also surfing, swimming, biking, hiking, playing water polo & engaging in many other unsavory teenage habits that burn calories like a jackrabbit (sorry mom). These days I can barely huff & puff my way through the Kwando class at Bally's without passing out or reaching for a martini shaker. Turns out I didn't "have a fast metabolism" so much as I burned calories like a mofo for the better part of eighteen years.

Now that I no longer have the luxury of devoting my life to tanning & toning my bod, I have to make adjustments so that I don't wind up on Maury Povich with an 80 lb. two year old one day. So for now, I have bid adieu to potatoes & pasta, which is no small feat considering the blood in my veins is almost entirely Irish/Italian. I'm only consuming wine when it is ABSOLUTELY necessary (i.e. most days) and I'm dragging my lazy butt back to the gym five days a week (before I drink obviously). But just because I'm legally separated from my true love (cheese) doesn't mean I don't still fantasize about our sweet reconciliation. All of which leads to this week's installment of theoretical Thursday:

Assuming you sold your soul to the devil had the discipline of those soulless bitches in the Victoria's Secret catalogue, what would you eat if calories were of no concern to you?

Mine is sadly unoriginal, but I honestly would eat cheeseburgers all the time. I have never met a cheeseburger I didn't like. Carbs, cheese, meat all in one ingenious little package, served with the best side dish ever invented: the French fry. Deep fried starch...how I love thee. No matter what anyone says about the French, they invented the fry for which we should all be eternally grateful.

I swear I heard "Taps" playing the day I gave up fries. Vive la pomme frite. We will meet again.

Talk gouda to me baby.

Since I remain on the hunt for new and inventive "theme" days, welcome to the first installment of Fromage Fridays, a new an exciting series where I highlight a particularly sexy cheese. We begin with Shropshire Blue which can be ogled below (cue the slow jam):



That rind. Those blue streaks. That beautiful throbbing...never mind.

In case you thought I was joking, I love cheese. When I broke up with my high school sweetheart, my best friend didn't bring over Ben & Jerry's, rather a baguette, wheel of Camembert & fig jelly. (Try it, it will make you believe in God.) The cheese above is a wonderful departure from regular Stilton or Blue, stronger in flavor & less nutty. It can be bought via the wonderful people at Artisan Cheese, available at http://www.artisanalcheese.com/.

This is a lovely cheese for the end of a meal, it likes long walks on the beach, the Sweet Valley High series of books and dogs that don't bark. Oh yeah.

No Soup for You!

Just kidding. You can have all the soup you want my pets.

Growing up, I ate the typical California fare: lots of fish, fruit, veggies & Baja style Mexican food round the clock. I ate the obligatory In-n-Out burger obviously, but maintained a largely healthy So-Cal food lifestyle. About 5 minutes into my first Midwest winter, I become keenly aware that my new climate required some heartier fare. All the sudden I wanted, no needed, to eat things like meatloaf and mac'n'cheese and ribs and did I mention meatloaf? 6 years after I packed my life into my little red Jetta, me and the Midwest have kicked that former iron deficiency's ass.

You can only consume so much beef & whiskey though until you are slapped with the reality that you are going to need to be fork lifted out of your apartment one day if you don't throw some veggies down your gullet. So, in an effort to feed both my husband's Midwestern appetite and my need to not ever wear an elastic waistband, here is the super easy, super delicious, super healthy soup I made last night. It is adapted from a Food & Wine recipe and is a perfect meal for a snowy pre-Christmas night:

Spicy Kale Chowder with Andouille Sausage:
Ingredients:
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
9 garlic cloves, minced
2 large onions chopped
2 tablespoons minced fresh ginger
1 lb. Andouille sausages, slices 1/4 inch thick
28 oz. can of Italian tomatoes, chopped, juices reserved
3 quarts stock (either homemade turkey or chicken or low sodium store bought)
3/4 lb. Kale stems & ribs discarded, leaves coarsely chopped (I used green & purple Kale, it was gorgeous)
1 can of cannelinni beans, drained and rinsed
Salt & Pepper

Directions:
Heat the olive oil in a large soup pot. Add the garlic and onions and cook over moderate heat, stirring occasionally, until softened, about 12 minutes. Add the ginger and andouille and cook for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add the tomatoes and their juices; bring to a boil. Add the stock, beans and kale; return to a boil.

Reduce the heat to moderate and simmer the soup until the kale is tender, about 10 minutes. Season the soup with salt and pepper and serve, or let cool and freeze.

OK, so I know that sausage isn't particularly healthy, but look at the rest of it! Tomatoes! Kale! Beans! Ginger! You'll love it, your husband will love it and your ass will thank you.

My Super Duper Post Thanksgiving Workout

1. Get up at 11:36 AM (still technically morning)

2. Put on workout clothes/shoes (the cuter the better)

3. Grab husband and dogs

4. Walk for 100 yards, run for 30 (repeat for roughly an hour)

5. Stop by your most favorite coffee shop in the world and get a latte (skim of course) and a Spinach-Feta cheese quiche (um...sure, this is skim too)

6. Amble home at a snail's pace...

...and watch the pounds melt away!

WARNING: Crack Dip is not to be taken intravenously.

2 posts in one day, I feel so productive! This is another recipe post due to MULTIPLE requests for the crack dip recipe. For the layman, crack dip is a deconstructed buffalo chicken wing. (How American!)

I take no credit for this recipe, it comes straight from my mother in law who in addition to being gorgeous and smart also boasts a well stocked liquor cabinet and an endless supply of awesome appetizers. Here it is in all it's glory:

Ingredients:
8 oz. cream cheese, softened
1 cup ranch dressing
1/2 cup Frank's Red Hot Sauce
3/4 or 1 cup shredded chicken (you can use canned chicken, store bought Rotisserie chicken or cook some skinless chicken breasts)
Blue Cheese crumbles

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Combine cream cheese, ranch, hot sauce & chicken and mix well
Bake at 350 for 20-30 minutes
Top with blue cheese crumbles
Serve with tortilla chips & celery sticks

*Healthier options: I lighten this up (slightly) by using reduced fat cream cheese & ranch, skinless white meat chicken & serving with baked tortillas chips. No one has ever noticed the difference. (When you live in Bears country you have to cut calories wherever possible!)

NO ACTUAL CRACKHEADS WERE HURT IN THE MAKING OF THIS RECIPE.