Up the Duff....

...is a delightfully tacky British turn of phrase for pregnant.

Which I am.

This is another mea culpa for my erratic blogging as of late, but it's hard to come up with pithy comments about cheese when all I can think about is the tiny succubus that's currently residing in my womb.

I have no intentions of turning this into a pregnancy blog as I think most of them are boring and I'm certainly going to stay my cheese eating, wine swilling self...just in mom form. And no, I'm not drinking wine while pregnant. My desire for a baby without gills trumps my lust for the Jesus juice.

That said, it's a pretty major life change so I'll obviously give you the highlights here, but none of the gross stuff, b/c some stuff should just be locked away and suppressed, never to be exposed save for the safe haven of a psychotherapist's office.

There is the standard list of knocked up questions with my not so standard responses:

Weight Gain/Loss: I'll never tell, but I can tell you it's not that bad. Despite the fact that I ate grilled cheese sandwiches exclusively for a week.
Maternity clothes: not yet, though I am scouring websites to find cute ones that don't cost a fortune.
Stretch Marks: no and I plan to do anything, including drink the blood of virgins to avoid them. I am hoping my mom's kick ass genetics come into play here.
Sleep: is the new sex.
Movement: at my last u/s babyVal was moving around like a maniac, which I clearly can't feel at this point. This worries me as it indicates a crazy baby is on the way. Karma really kicks you in the ass,no?
Food cravings/aversions: cravings have been all over the place. Some days fruit, some days cheeseburgers. The most obvious symptom is that I am utterly susceptible to suggestion. If I see someone eating a turkey sandwich, I want a turkey sandwich. The other day a colleague of mine was eating sushi, which I can no longer can eat. I almost cried. Bitch.
Gender: I suspect girl. Mr. Valentine suspects boy, though I assume this isn't so much a suspicion as a desire to reenact the "Wanna have a catch?" scene from Field of Dreams.
What I miss: staying up past 9:30.
Best moment this week: seeing babyVal moving around at the doctor.

So that's it for now. I promise to never veer into STFU Parents territory and to always maintain my rapier wit. You just have to promise to love me when I cry and give in when I demand pickles.

XOXO,