Stream of Consciousness Saturdays

Since I'm in a particularly James Joyce-ey mood today, I've decided jot down some random thoughts that are flitting in and out of my mind today. I'm not going to make Stream of Consciousness Saturdays a regular thing, since I don't want you all to run screaming from my blog with spoons in your ears. Let's begin.

1. I really like that commercial where the hamsters are driving and rockin' out to a funk song. I like it so much so that I used my Shazaam app on the iPhone to find the song, which if your interested is called "Fort Knox" by the Goldfish. If your wondering, yes, I purchased it and now hear it when I run on the treadmill.

2. I think that the cast members of The Hills, Jersey Shore, The Real World and all the Real World bastard child shows, Wife Swap and every incarnation of the Real Housewives franchise should be rounded up and dropped off on a deserted island for a survival competition. None of the pansy shit they do on Survivor though. I want this to be a combination of Lord of the Flies and Lost. I also secretly hope that they'd have to resort to eating each other to stay alive. I vote you eat Heidi Montag first. Not because she'd be a good meal, just because her new face freaks me out.

3. Reduced Fat Cheese makes absolutely no sense. Period.

4. I think I may need to get a second job to support a growing addiction to baby shoes.

That's it for today. Hope your weekend is off to a great start!

XOXO,

Media Monday: Team U.S.A. edition

I am an Olympic whore. I really really really love the Olympics. I love the Olympics so much so that yesterday I watched curling. For two hours. The strangest part of the Olympics is that every two years when they arrive, I go from a tree-hugging, bleeding heart, liberal citizen of the world to a red blooded, profanity laced xenophobe who says things like: "You skated that Kraut under the table, Evan!" or "If it weren't for us you'd be speaking German, Frenchie!".

I don't get it. I love Germany and France. They are two lovely countries filled with even lovelier people, but this means nothing to me come Olympic time. When the French swimmers were taunting Michael Phelps at the last summer Olympics I boycotted French fries. And last week when the Russian men's figure skater badmouthed Evan Lysacek I muttered something about a "Borscht eating commie."

(For the record, I am not proud of these things.)

So, if you aren't horribly offended and care to keep reading, I am kicking off a Media Monday with my current media obsession:

1. TV: The Olympics



Love 'em. We have recorded and watched every event, even the weird one where they shoot things on skis. What is that? I want to try that! My favorite so far has been the aforementioned ass kicking in Men's Figure Skating by the incredibly attractive (and straight!) Evan Lysacek. I also would like to give a shout out to Johnny Weir who was totally low balled by the judges. I remain convinced that they are all jealous they can't rock a hot pink tassel like Johnny.

I also am eagerly awaiting more hockey now that team U.S.A. upset the heavily favored Canadian team. I don't know...I smell something special on the 30 year anniversary of the Miracle on Ice! You better watch your back Canada...we're comin' for ya.

No Olympic recap would be complete without mentioning the incredible Shaun White. As my uncle put it, "Shaun White is to snowboarding what Michael Jordan was to basketball. A whole other level." I'm not sure what is more awesome about Shaun White: his skills, his hair or the fact that he seems like one of the coolest dudes you could ever meet. I think Mr. Valentine has a dude crush on him, which I wholeheartedly support.

2. Non-Olympic TV: Big Love



This show is incredible. According to the writers, they decided to use a polygamist plotline as an allegory for homosexuality and gay marriage. I appreciate the blending of real-life news tie ins (i.e. the FLDS raids in Texas, the Sinaloa drug cartels in Mexico and the hypocrisy of "family focused" politics.) along with an awesome cast of characters. It borders on soapy, but the kind of self-aware, well written soapy that keeps you coming back. Every actor on this show is sublime and the cameos are brilliant. Harry Dean Stanton? Sissy Spacek? I honestly think it's the best show on TV.

3. Book: The Financial Lives of the Poets



Brilliant. Funny. Sad. Socially Relevant. My father in law lent me this book and his rave reviews were spot on. It's a wry and wise take on the current American economic situation and the responsibility that we all carry for it. This is a great book.

4. Movie: The Hurt Locker



I love the Oscars almost as much as I love the Olympics. (Apparently I have two alter egos, red-blooded American jock and fabulous gay man.) I always try to see all the Best Picture nominees before the ceremony, but since there are 10 this year I probably won't. I knew I had to see this one though and it did not disappoint. It is an amazing snapshot of a specific group of our armed forces that I didn't even know existed. I really pull for this type of movie over the "Avatar" types. I just think the intimate quality of a film like this is a true accomplishment.

So there you have it, all the media I am currently consuming. Hope you all have a good week and say it with me: USA! USA! USA!

And to my Canadian friends, I apologize, I won't be this way much longer.

XOXO,

Desperation is a dish best served on national television.

I want to start this post by saying that I am far from a snob when it comes to media consumption. I read the New Yorker regularly but also subscribe to Glamour. I DVR "Sunday Morning" & "Meet the Press" as well as "Teen Mom". I've been known to wear my Jimmy Choos with Forever 21 clothes. What I'm saying is, I like high and low brow entertainment.

That said, there is one show on television that absolutely makes me apoplectic b/c it is both mind-numbingly stupid and incredibly popular. That would be the well past its expiration date "Bachelor/Bachelorette" franchise.

While I take issue with both incarnations of this misguided matchmaking mess (holy alliteration Batman!), my ire really lies with "The Bachelor" version. I haven't and won't make a habit of airing my political/social views on this blog, as I strive to keep it a fun, airy take on my existence. I will however out myself as a liberal feminist in this moment to explain why I find this show so gross is all its bullshit TV glory.

I was raised by two working parents, and while they both worked their asses of to provide the very best for me, I will focus on my mother for the purposes of this post. My mother is an incredible role model. She is educated, accomplished, talented and just so happens to be drop dead gorgeous. My mother could have (and still could) married for money and used her looks to get ahead. She didn't. She followed her passions and has a career and a beautiful family to show for it. I was raised, as an only girl, to think for myself, to achieve and to never forget that you always need to be prepared to take care of yourself and not rely on a man for your existence. I have an incredible husband who has big dreams and is working hard to provide me the option to do whatever I like in this life and I appreciate it with all my heart. But you can be damn sure that I am more than capable of taking care of myself should the need arise. My husband knows this too and respects me. It's one of the reasons he married me.

Now I couldn't care less if a woman chooses to work or not. What really sticks in my craw about the losers who both star in and compete for the affections of "The Bachelor" is that it perpetuates this BS myth about love and marriage and gender roles on TV. In 2008 we watched two women come this close to being President & Vice President of the United States, but if ABC is to be believed, a woman's best shot at success is still pushing up her boobs, throwing on a sherbet colored prom dress and shamelessly throwing herself at some generically handsome idiot who hasn't managed to find "love" in his 30 plus years on Earth.

Women have and will always use their sexuality to get ahead, I am certainly no exception. But what the empty coiffed vessels of this show don't get is that your beauty should not be the sum total of what you have to offer. It should be layered with education, ambition, ethics, faith and compassion. But that's not good TV I guess. So until the masses stop tuning into this crap, my guess is that there will be 14 more seasons of this shallow drivel, watching the latest crop of soulless Barbies compete for their Ken and their inevitable US Weekly cover to detail why they just couldn't make it work once the helicopter dates dried up.

Me, I'll keep rolling my eyes and wait for the show where 25 average looking girls with kickass jobs and degrees compete for the affections of a shy, nerdy graphic designer with a cat.

The post where I become a kleptomaniac.

Apparently I am a thief. Of ideas that is. When you come to the realization that you are narcissistic enough to start a blog, you think it's going to be super easy. I'm cute! And witty! And interesting! After about 3 weeks you realize that not only is it super hard to think of stuff to write about everyday but that the only living beings that find you that interesting are your mom and your dogs. And they only love me for the kibble.

I am in a fog of writer's block that I can only assume is a result of the vats of wine and cheese I've consumed over the last week. So I decided to steal a feature today from Jaime, author of one of my favorite blogs that you can find here. She's as cute, witty and interesting as I fancy myself and so I've decided to shoplift her "Media Monday" feature here and detail all the media that I am consuming at this moment:

TV SHOW:



Mr. Valentine and I started watching this show when CBS ran the first season. Dexter is a forensic scientist who moonlights as a serial killer. He's by far the cutest serial killer I've ever seen in my life and incredibly creative at dispatching his victims. But don't worry, he only kills "bad" people so he's kind of like Robin Hood. Well, that is if Robin Hood had been a sociopath who listed "dismemberment" amongst his turn ons. I bought the hubs seasons 2 & 3 for Christmas which I am embarrassed to say we are almost done with. It's really that good.

Book:

The Road fell into my hands about 4 years late but it is every bit as good as the many glowing reviews would have you believe. Briefly, it's about a father and son traversing a post-apocalyptic world with nothing but a pistol and each other. You know, light holiday fare. I myself only put it down to pour more wine. Don't cheat by seeing the movie that just came out, read the real thing.

Music:



If you don't own any Wilco, do yourself a favor and get some. Start with "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" and expand from there.

Blog:

In terms of blogs that I can't get enough of, this one is currently at the top of my list. Go there for the hysterical recaps of "The Hills" and stay for the surely-I'm-going-to-hell recaps of "Intervention". Comedy gold.

Movie:



I don't go to the movies that often. They're cold, the seats suck and your feet stick to the floor. I have to really want to see a movie to go out to one. The last movie I saw in the theater was "Precious" and holy hell was it good. It's completely depressing yet strangely hopeful and I cried my eyes out. In the effort of full disclosure though, I cry at "The Muppet Christmas Carol" so that might not be an accurate reflection of the film. (That tiny Kermit gets me every time.)

So there you have it. My current media fetishes which paint me as much darker than I actually am. My media Monday isn't quite as awesome as Jaime's but such is life. I'm like Diet Coke. No matter how much you try to convince yourself it just doesn't taste like real Coke.