Life in the fast lane.

To quote my favorite show, Always Sunny in Philadelphia, "WASSUP BITCHES???"

I'm back at work which, surprisingly, means I'll be able to Blog again! Unlike my tyrannical little imp Sadie, my employer is legally obligated to give me breaks and stuff. More often than not I have to use them to milk myself but every now and then I get to steal a moment to play on the interwebz. So let's start off with a checklist of what's going on in the Valentine household as of late:

1. Mama is back at work: This is going surprisingly well. Before I was back at work I was racked with guilt about leaving Sadie Bug. Would she remember me? Miss me? Wind up on a bell tower in 16 years because of some working mother abandonment complex? I'm pleased to report that yes, she does in fact remember me; my mother in law lies to me and tells me that Sadie misses me desperately all day long; She has yet to pick up an automatic weapon or write a manifesto, so we appear to be good on all fronts.

I miss her like crazy all day long, but seeing her little face at the end of the day is amazing, especially now that she smiles and giggles at me all the time. Our mornings are fun too, we nurse and get up and play for a little bit before I get ready for work. Let me tell you, my "Pat-a-cake" rendition KILLS with the infant set. KILLS.

2. Sadie smiles! And laughs!: The smiling happens on the regular, the laughing happens when you've done something TRULY AMAZING like kiss her neck, nibble her toes or make up some awesomely weird baby-centric lyrics set to the tune of "Whoomp, There It Is!". We call her Dubya because at this point her laugh is a weird chuckle reminiscent of our last fearless leader, which is super awkward since the mister and I are both die hard liberals. I just hope she doesn't invade any Middle Eastern countries unprovoked. ZING!

3. New Wheels: There comes a time, once you've had a baby, put your hubs in grad school, work full time and move to the burbs where you have to come to terms with a second vehicle. We've been a one vehicle house for years, but the logistics were becoming insane. Like trying to solve a rubix cube on an Absinthe bender. (Which I totally recommend trying at least once in your life.) We hemmed, we hawed, we pondered incredibly insensible cars (I totally need a Mercedes, right?) but in the end wound up with a cute little Ford Focus. We got a kick ass deal on a year old model that is loaded (as loaded as a Ford gets that is). It's super fun to drive and very safe and I feel super patriotic for buying my first American vehicle. Take THAT right wingers. You may have guns and Sarah Palin but I have a piece of Detroit engineering in my garage bitches. It almost offsets the Huyandai aka "Axles of Evil" Tucson that we also own.

4. I'm skinnier than before I was pregnant: This is a total attention whore moment. I am totally one of those chicks that other chicks hate. I was at my pre-pregnancy weight at my 6 week post partum appointment and now weigh about 5 pounds less. Before you start sending me hate mail, please remember that a.) I had a 10 pound baby b.)I have to breastfeed said 10 lb. baby and c.) I have to lug around that 10 (now 15 lb.) baby all the time. Call up US Weekly, that should be the new Hollywood fab diet, the "TEN POUND BABY DIET". I bet the Kardashian skanks will fully be onboard, until they realize that they have to parent the baby too. Babies totally interfere with the "let's wear way too much eye makeup while living off our late father's estate and trolling for professional athletes to sponge off" lifestyle. But I digress.

Anyhow, life in Valentine land is pretty awesome. My baby rocks, my husband is super cute and I fit into my skinny jeans again. Now if I could just fit into all my shoes...

XOXO,

An ogre and a gentleman.

I have a theory. If you want to know exactly who a person is on the inside, ride public transportation. My interaction with the masses on the Metra every morning gives me more insight into their collective psyche than if I were to direct a Ken Burns documentary about them.

You really see the best or worst when you are among the crush of humanity that is downtown Chicago at rush hour. Take this morning for example. For some presently unexplained reason, the Metra has been running 15-20 minutes late this week. (The Chicago RTA doesn't seem to concerned, so apparently, neither should I.) This has created a bottle neck on all trains and therefore a lack of seats.

As I went to get on the train, a middle aged man literally tried to push me out of the way to get on the train first. I, being my politely passive agressive self swung my giant purse towards him (maybe it hit him, I'm not really sure) and created a fashionable moat of sorts to keep him at bay. I heard him huff and puff and say something under his breath to which I cheerfully chirped, "I'm sorry, what was that?" He just stared at me and shuffled to the next car. Problem solved.

I interupt my discourse to encourage you ladies to use this story to illustrate the importance of accessories the next time your husband questions your need for another purse. A well placed purse can be the difference b/t a happy fetus and cankles. Just sayin'.

I successfully navigated my way on the train only to find that there were no seats. You learn quickly in a big city that being with child/elderly/infirm does not apparently engender the type of chilvary one would hope. I resigned myself to my fate and moved towards the front of the car where I could at least hang on to a bar for dear life as the train hurtled toward the Loop. All of the sudden someone tapped my shoulder and a young man, about 20, told me to take his seat.

And just like that, my faith in humanity restored. It's good to know that there are still people in the world who don't suck. I hope the universe sends some kindness your way dude because you seriously made my morning.

XOXO,