The big 3-Oh!

Pop Quiz:

We know Val is old because:

a.)She spent last Friday night purchasing life insurance and setting up her kid's college fund.
b.)She had Mr. Val make her a cocktail on Saturday at 9:00, drank 3 sips and fell asleep by 9:15.
c.)It took her 3 sittings to watch "Inception" because she kept falling asleep.
d.)She routinely wakes her sleeping baby with her loudly cracking joints.
e.)She turns 30 this week

And the correct answer is....ALL OF THE ABOVE. Allow me to elaborate.

a.) As I mentioned last week, we bought a new ride, which requires the obligatory new ride insurance. When we called our Allstate guy (Mark) to update our policy, he casually mentioned that Allstate also does financial planning. Who knew. This led to a date with Todd, our NEW Allstate guy. Rather, our second Allstate guy. Mark is our car/renters insurance guy while Todd is now our life insurance/financial planning guy. It's a "Menage-a-Trois" of insurance and the Valentine family.

Anyway, Todd came over on Friday to talk about the dizzying array of ways Allstate can take your money. We laughed, we drank (soda) and by the end of the night Allstate now has an extra $100/month of my moolah and my kid should be totally set to go to the community college of her dreams. (I kid I kid.) Mr. Val and I are just one physical away from having a cool $2M worth of life insurance on each other. So ironically, just as Sadie is starting to sleep longer I'm sleeping with one eye open and Mr. Val now worries that my love of true crime shows has turned from entertainment to research. But anyone who's watched a Law & Order marathon knows that you don't get the money if you are involved in a homicide. Duh. That's why you can't get caught.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

b.) Conversation between me and Mr. Val.

Me: "Babe I want to have some drinks tonight!"
Mr. Val (elated that I'm trying to be fun): "Really? Ok I'll go to the store!"
Goes to the store and comes back with cocktail fixins'.
Mr.Val (at approximately 9:00 PM):Here's your cocktail honey!
Me: "Thanks!"
An undisclosed amount of time elapses
Mr.Val: Honey wake up, let's go to bed.
Me: What time is it?
Mr.Val: It's midnight. You fell asleep.
I look at the coffee table and see my barely touched cocktail and rub my eyes.
Me: I'll be fun again one day honey, OK?
Mr. Val: Sure you will honey. Don't forget your bra. (I apparently take it off while sleeping. Interesting.)

c.)"Inception" is a super cool movie. I think. It is SUUUUUUUUUUUUPER long though. I'm not sure I would have made it in one sitting even if I wasn't horribly sleep deprived. I'm going to try to watch it again one day once Sadie sleeps. Maybe then I'll figure out what the hell the movie was about.

d.)After a marathon session of rocking, nursing, walking and singing I finally had my little angle baby sound asleep. I placed her gently in her cradle, stroked her sweet face and turned to leave the room at which point my knee and toes cracked so loud that she woke right up. There is really nothing more to this story except to say that getting old sucks.

e.)So we get to the crux of my ramblings. I'm turning 30 this week. If you are clever you now understand why my nickname is Valentine. Now promise me you won't google me, come to my house and try to wear me like a woman suit, mkay?

I used to think this birthday would scare me, but after the birth of my daughter I realize that my life just keeps getting better, so I'll take all the additional years I can get. Since I got to scratch "Have the world's cutest kid" off my bucket list, here is the Valentine Amended Bucket List of 2011:

1. Play Monopoly with real money
2. See a title fight at Caesar's Palace in Atlantic City
3. Go to the Grand Canyon
4. Go to the Superbowl
5. Go on a Safari
6. Have a picnic under the Eiffel Tower
7. Learn to garden
8. Go to Tokyo and stay in the "Lost in Translation" hotel
9. Buy my husband season tickets to the White Sox
10. Own a true piece of art
11. Do all I can to make my daughter's dreams come true

If the next 30 years are half as good as the first, I think I'm one lucky gal.

XOXO,

Life in the fast lane.

To quote my favorite show, Always Sunny in Philadelphia, "WASSUP BITCHES???"

I'm back at work which, surprisingly, means I'll be able to Blog again! Unlike my tyrannical little imp Sadie, my employer is legally obligated to give me breaks and stuff. More often than not I have to use them to milk myself but every now and then I get to steal a moment to play on the interwebz. So let's start off with a checklist of what's going on in the Valentine household as of late:

1. Mama is back at work: This is going surprisingly well. Before I was back at work I was racked with guilt about leaving Sadie Bug. Would she remember me? Miss me? Wind up on a bell tower in 16 years because of some working mother abandonment complex? I'm pleased to report that yes, she does in fact remember me; my mother in law lies to me and tells me that Sadie misses me desperately all day long; She has yet to pick up an automatic weapon or write a manifesto, so we appear to be good on all fronts.

I miss her like crazy all day long, but seeing her little face at the end of the day is amazing, especially now that she smiles and giggles at me all the time. Our mornings are fun too, we nurse and get up and play for a little bit before I get ready for work. Let me tell you, my "Pat-a-cake" rendition KILLS with the infant set. KILLS.

2. Sadie smiles! And laughs!: The smiling happens on the regular, the laughing happens when you've done something TRULY AMAZING like kiss her neck, nibble her toes or make up some awesomely weird baby-centric lyrics set to the tune of "Whoomp, There It Is!". We call her Dubya because at this point her laugh is a weird chuckle reminiscent of our last fearless leader, which is super awkward since the mister and I are both die hard liberals. I just hope she doesn't invade any Middle Eastern countries unprovoked. ZING!

3. New Wheels: There comes a time, once you've had a baby, put your hubs in grad school, work full time and move to the burbs where you have to come to terms with a second vehicle. We've been a one vehicle house for years, but the logistics were becoming insane. Like trying to solve a rubix cube on an Absinthe bender. (Which I totally recommend trying at least once in your life.) We hemmed, we hawed, we pondered incredibly insensible cars (I totally need a Mercedes, right?) but in the end wound up with a cute little Ford Focus. We got a kick ass deal on a year old model that is loaded (as loaded as a Ford gets that is). It's super fun to drive and very safe and I feel super patriotic for buying my first American vehicle. Take THAT right wingers. You may have guns and Sarah Palin but I have a piece of Detroit engineering in my garage bitches. It almost offsets the Huyandai aka "Axles of Evil" Tucson that we also own.

4. I'm skinnier than before I was pregnant: This is a total attention whore moment. I am totally one of those chicks that other chicks hate. I was at my pre-pregnancy weight at my 6 week post partum appointment and now weigh about 5 pounds less. Before you start sending me hate mail, please remember that a.) I had a 10 pound baby b.)I have to breastfeed said 10 lb. baby and c.) I have to lug around that 10 (now 15 lb.) baby all the time. Call up US Weekly, that should be the new Hollywood fab diet, the "TEN POUND BABY DIET". I bet the Kardashian skanks will fully be onboard, until they realize that they have to parent the baby too. Babies totally interfere with the "let's wear way too much eye makeup while living off our late father's estate and trolling for professional athletes to sponge off" lifestyle. But I digress.

Anyhow, life in Valentine land is pretty awesome. My baby rocks, my husband is super cute and I fit into my skinny jeans again. Now if I could just fit into all my shoes...

XOXO,

The wonder of 4 AM.

I'm a working mom. I'm a working mom for many reasons: financial, emotional, professional and personal. I've never had an interest in being a stay at home mom; I enjoy my work and the satisfaction of helping provide for my family. That said, as the date of my return to work fast approaches, I'm incredibly sad. I am beside myself that I'll be missing out on the mid-morning snuggles of our first nap of the day. I'm sad that instead of staring into my sweet girl's eyes while we nurse, I'll be pumping in the empty office down the hall. I'm sad that it will (until Spring) be dark when I leave and come home. But this is our reality, our life and while I know it will be fine, I'm allowing myself to wallow a little bit right now.

I'm actually somewhat excited too. Part of me is looking forward to the mental stimulation, the chance to get out of the house and the reality of 8 spit-up free hours a day! And therein lies the weird dilemma of working motherhood: the somewhat schizophrenic reality of wanting to be the sole caretaker of your child but also wanting to have a life outside of the domestic realm.

In the interest of full disclosure, my darling husband has said (and would) support me if I wanted to stop working. But the reality is that our quality of life and our desire to create the world that I want for Sadie requires me to work for now. Mr. Val accelerated his graduate school plans so that he can afford us the opportunity to choose a different situation but that is still 2 years away. In the meantime, our priorities dictate that we both need to work outside the home to give our daughter all that she deserves in this world.

I feel guilty complaining because our situation is so much better than so many people right now. Mr. Val and I both have great jobs within understanding and flexible environments. On top of that, my daughter will be in the best hands possible as her wonderful Grandma will be watching her. I will never have the words to thank my wonderful Mother in law for that. If I can't watch my daughter all day, there is no better choice than family and we are so incredibly blessed to have family that want to provide that for our darling girl.

I also have to remind myself that it is temporary. My husband works his adorable butt off all day every day to bring us closer to the next phase of our life where I can have the option to work, work part time or not work at all. Every day that I wake up next to this amazing man I pinch myself. Since the day I met Mr. Val my life has gotten better and better; I know that the years to come will be no exception.

Today we started Sadie's college fund. Mr. Val and I take a lot of pride in our ability to provide not just the basics for our daughter but the extras as well. It is these things that wake us up early in the morning to ride our respective trains to work and keep us up studying into the wee hours of the morning. And it is her smiling face that has made 4:00 AM a wonderful hour to be awake. 4 AM is the hour of the day that is just hers and mine. It's the hour where we stare at each other while I nurse her and say that we love each other with our eyes. It's the hour where we pad quietly around the house until she drifts back to sleep. It's the hour where Mr. Val sleepily rolls over and tells us he loves us. It's the hour that would have never seen me awake a year ago...but now I love 4 AM because it is the hour that each new day begins for my family, full of love.

And that's what working motherhood will be for me. Stealing the moments that matter, since love isn't dictated by the quantity of time you spend together but the quality. It will be sad to leave her each day but so wonderful to see her smiling face at the end of each one. I will miss snuggling her at noon but will look forward to 4 AM...because that is our moment each day to make it count and no one can take it from us.



XOXO,

Love is all you need.

And I LOVE this little face so much that it literally takes my breath away sometimes.




XOXO,

Your baby is an asshole.

Before you get mad at me, it's a line from Sex and the City. And no, I don't think my baby is an asshole.

Well, not all the time anyway.

But seriously? Having a baby is no joke y'all. They are like, SUPER needy, round the clock. I liken the new baby experience to a Wiley Coyote cartoon, where he gets an anvil dropped on his head by the roadrunner (which makes no logistical sense by the way, the roadrunner was way too skinny to carry an anvil, but that's a topic for another time). Anyway, he'd get the anvil to the head and be smooshed into the ground and then he'd peel himself off the pavement and little birds would be swirling around his head and there was an anvil shaped dent in his noggin.

That's pretty much how I feel everyday.

And I have an EASY baby. No, I don't have one of those babies that magically sleeps through the night or can already help me with laundry, but I do have a super sweet little girl who isn't colicky or fussy, who loves to snuggle all day and sleeps pretty well at night. Plus, I have a super awesome husband who helps do everything short of nurse her, which I wouldn't put past him if he thought he could.

However, the reality of child rearing is that even under such ideal circumstances, it's exhausting. I have no idea how single parents do it or parents of super fussy/colicky babies. Y'all are better women than I.

That said, it's the most amazing experience I've ever had and I love my little Sadie so much it actually takes my breath away. Since I've had her for 8 weeks now, I'm pretty much a baby expert, so here are some of my lessons learned to date:

1. Having a baby shines a whole new light on yourmom. I've been peed on, pooped on and barfed on daily since my little Sadie Bear came home. This kid is prolific in the bodily fluid category. And I did all this to my mom. Just know this: your baby will be a giant karmic kick in the ass for what you put your parents through.

2. You will make parenting choices you swore you never would. You know those proclamations you made pre-baby? "I won't be a short order cook" or "I'll never let my kid watch TV" or "I won't buy my kid anything with a Disney character on it".

Yeah you will. You'll do ALL of it and like it. You know that beautiful nursery I showed you a while back? It's essentially a very well appointed walk in closet for Sadie. Where does Sadie sleep you ask? Why right next to me in bed. Yep. We are thoseparents. Turns out that nursing a baby is kind of a round the clock job. And this mama didn't exactly love getting out of bed 4 times a night to lug my 10 pound bambina in and out of bed, so here we are, co-sleeping. I know, I know, you aren't supposed to sleep with your kid. But you know what? I LIKE IT. She likes it. And Mr. Val likes it too. So that's what we do.

3. Baby swings are little Christmas miracles, sent from Jesus. Our Fisher Price Papasan baby swing is the only reason my house doesn't look like a Hoarders episode. No joke, that shit is like baby crack. Or baby Valium, more precisely.

4. Being a mom makes you pensive. Since I've had Sadie, I've thought a lot about the many children who are not born into such loving families with parents that have the resources to care for them. I think it weighed heavy on my mind b/c of the holidays as I imagined all the little kids who don't wake up to food everyday, let alone presents. This has spurred Mr. Val and I to give back a little more, through charity and hopefully our own actions throughout the year.

5. LET PEOPLE HELP YOU. This is probably the best advice I got and the best advice I can give. If your wonderful Mother in Law asks if you want her to bring you breakfast/lunch/dinner, say YES. If your mom and stepdad buy you and your husband massages for Christmas and offer to babysit? Say YES. If your friends offer to come over and just hang out with your baby so you can bathe? Say YES. Your own psyche and your husband will thank you.

6. Get on birth control ASAP. I kid, but truly, this kid is adorable but we have ZERO interest in another for at LEAST 3 years. I told Mr. Val that I wouldn't even think about until then, but since he isn't sold on the idea of 3 sexless years of marraige, to the IUD I go.

Oh, and one last tip, try to have a kid as adorable as Sadie. It makes the 4 AM explosive poops much easier to laugh at.

XOXO,

10 pounds of heaven

I apologize for the accidental blogging hiatus, but I was unavoidably detained giving birth to my 10 lb. daughter.

Yep. 10. Whole. Pounds.

I want you to drink that in for a moment before I recount her birth story and note that I am not a big woman. My license says I'm 5 foot 4 whilst reality says that I'm 5 foot 3 when the wind blows straight up from the ground. My normal weight is between 120-130 lbs., depending on what time of year it is here in Chicago and how many bratwursts I'm currently shoving down my gullet. In short, I'm a small fry. This makes my 10 lb. baby story all the more surprising/terrifying/cautionary.

We blitzed past my October 27th due date with zero progress. No dilation, no effacement and no "dropping" on the part of the baby. I grumbled my way through the 40 week appointment, mad at my own body and my apparently lazy baby. The doctor agreed we'd go one week past and go from there. I got to the 41 week appointment and same story, in fact, I think my cervix was actually getting more closed at this point and I could hear Sadie laughing at me from inside my uterus. The doc agreed that it was time to induce so we set up an induction date of November 4th.

We got to the hospital around 10:30 PM on November 4th after my "last meal", which consisted of an Italian Beef, Cheese Fries & Chocolate Cake from Portillos. (Don't you dare judge me...I was about a thousand weeks pregnant.) They set me up in our L&D suite and began the medieval torture that is modern day obstetrics.

I was started on a low drip of Pitocin, which from her on out will be referred to as "The Devil's juice". I also was given a Foley catheter, which is a fancy way of saying they shoved a water balloon up my cervix and blew it up and yes, that is every bit as unpleasant as it sounds.

Let me tell you a little something about Pitocin. It sucks. Once the contractions kicked in, it was like a freight train was driving through my ladybits over, and over, and over. The contractions were massive from the get go and came one on top of another for what seemed like forever. I labored until about 4 AM until I just couldn't take it anymore and opted for the sweet release of drugs. The world's greatest anesthesiologist came to my rescue and gave me an epidural with such precision and quickness that had my husband not been holding my hand I would have kissed him. With tongue. I forgot his name due to the MIND NUMBING PAIN I was in, so in my mind he shall always be Dr. Kissyface. Because I literally wanted to kiss his face.

With the Epi in place I was finally able to sleep which we did as much as you can when you have an ever expanding water balloon in your nether regions. Early that morning they came in to check me and I'd dilated to 4 cm and effaced to about 60%. All of this was encouraging, however to make a long story short, it was the furthest I would get. They let me labor until about 4:00 PM until they lost Sadie's heartbeat. Let me just say, this had to have been the scariest moment of my life. It's never a good sign when 6 people in scrubs come racing into your hospital room and start prodding you, probing you and saying things like "STAT". Luckily they found her HB again but they switched off my Pitocin and Mr. Val and I looked at each other knowing exactly what was coming.

The doctor came in and yammered on about whatever for what seemed like forever but the only words I heard were "C-section". I wish I could tell you that I handled myself with some dignity here but the truth is that I was terrified and completely broke down. Like ugly, hiccuping, sobbing breakdown. I shooed everyone out of my room and just cried like a baby on Mr. Val. Not because I had some burning desire to shove an apparently hostile child out of my loins, more due to the lack of control. I was scared for me, scared for her and just really didn't want my body sawed in half.

A new anesthesiologist arrived and I could tell he recognized right away that I was beyond hysterical. Bless his heart, he upped my epi with enough drugs to tranquilize a rhino and into surgery I went.

I cannot tell you how incredibly bizarre it is to be awake while your body is being cut into. All those little tugs and pressures were so strange. I was shaking like a leaf the entire time, I thought just out of fear but it turns out I also lost a lot of blood which didn't help matters. They had to cut through the placenta to get to her AND use a vacuum to get her out, which made the grossest popping sound when she finally did come out. But she came out safe and sound which is all that matters and after a few frantic moments of me begging to see her, I finally heard her cry, the most wonderful sound I'd ever heard.

I'm not going to lie, recovering from a c-section is rough and caring for a newborn is essentially like hitting a brick wall at 80MPH. But it is a truly awesome thing to look at your child and see yourself, your partner and all your dreams and love in that little face. So without further ado, I give you:

Sadie Joan, born November 5th, 2010 at 10 lbs. 1 oz. This was my favorite picture from the hospital, I love that we are just checking each other out like, "Hey! I know you!"

















And now, almost three weeks later, here is my little Sadie Bug:




















I can say without hesitation I've birthed the cutest kid on the planet. She looks just like her daddy and I think my heart may explode with happiness every time I see them together. I will be posting more regularly again now that I am starting to get the hang of typing one-handed while my little munchkin spits up on me.

XOXO,

She's late, she's late for a very important date.

My baby is a squatter.

I am officially one week past my due date and I'll be honest, I'm not handling it well. I had a doctor's appointment on Monday where they confirmed that I've made ZERO progress at all. Luckily, my doctors office is very understanding of crazy pregnant women and said I could pick my induction date which is tomorrow! Tomorrow evening Mr. Val and I will check into the hospital to have a baby. That has to be one of the most surreal sentences I've ever typed.

I'm not going to lie, I'm a little freaked out. But I got my meltdown out of the way on Monday and now I'm just excited to meet my little princess. I'm hoping that all I need is the kick start and that I can deliver her but if not the most important thing is that I hold my healthy baby girl by week's end.

One cool thing about the induction date is that I will likely deliver her on Friday, which is my late Grandmother's birthday. When we were deciding on a name it was either going to be Sadie Elizabeth or Sadie Joan, after one of my grandmas. We decided on Joan who is my Mom's mom. Now it looks like my sweet Sadie will have one grandma's name and the other's birthday, which I think is pretty cool. A little nod from my Grandma Betty in heaven perhaps?

Anyway, we are just counting down the hours now and I'm in full on nesting crazy mode. Cooking, cleaning and getting ready to meet this wonderful little person that we are already so in love with.

XOXO,