Thursday, January 7, 2010

If Virginia is for lovers, than Utah is for Teetotalers.

I will say that I have an evil self-satisfied glint in my eye as I write this. I love my husband but sometimes it makes me giggle when the universe exacts its justice upon him.

Mr. Valentine went out to the West Coast this weekend for his little brother's 21st birthday. In short, this weekend is devoted solely to the purpose of drinking his face off. He left last night, which would have been fine if not for the following:

1. He flew out of O'Hare airport. If you haven't had the pleasure of flying in and out of O'Hare, go buy a lottery ticket. It's the busiest airport in the U.S. which means is packed with impatient people, the flights are never on time and the TSA people who don't look like bored fifteen year olds in study hall look like they should be getting shipped off to Gitmo. On its best day it's the gates of hell. Days like yesterday and today they should just shut the damn place down. We are in the middle of a massive snowstorm, so everything that already sucks about O'Hare has been ratcheted up about 6 notches.

2. He flew Northwest Air. If O'Hare Airport is Hell on Earth, than Northwest Air is the dark mistress of that bottomless pit of despair. Simply put, you should never, under any circumstances fly Northwest air. They lost my bag once for 2 weeks and sent me home with a tiny tube of baking soda toothpaste and a XXXL t-shirt with their logo on it. You know, because after an airline has RUINED your day you totally want to wear their shirt like a billboard.

Needless to say, this is not a recipe for travel success which is why my sweet little Latin love found himself in a Courtyard Marriott in Salt Lake City, Utah last night. It's the usual story, delayed flight, hour of de-icing the plane, missed connection, yada yada yada. Now, getting stranded is never fun, but Utah might be the worst place ever to be stranded in the middle of the night. Apparently there was no food available at the hotel so my poor hubs ate Hot Pockets from the sundries store. None of this would be all that bad if it weren't for Utah's Draconian alcohol laws. I'm no expert, but from what I understand you can only buy alcohol b/t the hours of 1:00-2:00, Egypt Standard Time and you have to go to one of 4 liquor stores in the entire state where your fingerprints are put into the "drunken infidel" database. Bad news.
Especially bad news when your intended destination is drunkytown, U.S.A.

It did lead to my not at all over dramatic hubs wailing that he should know better than to go away without me. Apparently the universe is on my side afterall. I knew it.

1 comment: